Ahmad Park Jaebeom/Hope

I think it's been a while since I've written anything that's truly worthy of your attention. Heheh. So I'm gonna write something today. Yeay.

Ahmad Park Jaebeom (APJ) a.k.a. Hope


He was an abandoned newborn kitten Abah found last Sunday night (he accidentally kicked it because it was dark and APJ/Hope was too small. Seriously, very small -- tali pusat pun still attached, mata pun tak bukak lagi, rupa pun mcm an overgrown tikus. XD

At first we just left him there, in case the mother returned. But the next day, APJ/Hope was still there, so either Mak or Abah placed it inside a shoe box. We still waited for the mother to come, but it didn't.

So Abah left a piring of susu in the box. Monday night (kot) I went to check on him because he kept on "mew-mew-mew"-ing, cute gile aaaaaaaaaaah. He was soaking wet in the piring that Abah left earlier. Golek2, stuggle2, meow2 in the piring alone! Kesian btol.

So I took one tissue box and cut off the top , placed a lot of tissue papers inside and transferred him there. The tissue papers melekat kat dia cuz he was wet/sticky, and that kinda cleaned him a bit. Then I placed a handkerchief in the box and that was his new home.

Abah and Ujai went to tarawih so I was alone at home (Mak kat UPM), so layan je lah APJ/Hope. Wiped off all the slimy thingies and I tried to cover him with some tissues, but he struggled a lot. Last2 my hand was the best blankie. He stopped stuggling and meowing and I think he fell asleep for a while.

The next day (Tuesday), Mak was going to buy the special milk for APJ/Hope to drink, but then Abah suggested that we go to the vet instead, so we went there. The receptionist asked for a vet (who was passing by) to take a look at APJ/Hope.

She was, like, "Kecik nya! Bila jumpa?" And I told her when, then she asked, "Kasi makan apa?" and I said nothing because we dunno what to feed him, and the vet gave me a stare and said (sarcastically?) "Wah, amazing boleh hidup lagi."

La, are you gonna blame us for not feeding it?? So I told mak, "Vet tadi macam marah je bila Angah gi tau kita tak kasi dia makan apa2..."

Well, if APJ/Hope was our kitten, then the vet had the right to scold us for not taking care of it -- but fyi, our house is like Wad Bersalin Kucing okay. Okay, maybe not exactly Wad Bersalin (maybe Tempat Pelarian/Berak/Dumping Site Anak Kucing, more like). We found APJ/Hope, and we really didn't know what to feed it because it's a friggin' newborn kitten with the tali pusat and everything and it just happened to have a coward for a mother!

tl;dr -- Not our fault.

Tunggu lama jugak, but then it was our turn.

The abang and kakak working there were like, "Alahai, keciknye... Ni timbang pun tak gerak jarum!"

Then the vet (a Chinese guy) came and examined APJ/Hope. He was nicer. He told us that we could take care of it, it needed the special milk, we would have to feed it every two hours, and then we would have to wipe its butt using some wet cotton to stimulate it to go shee-shee or poo-poo (if the mother didn't abandon him, it would be her job to lick him and stuff).

He also told us that even though APJ/Hope seemed healthy, without its mother, chances are he'd die anyway. If we don't take care of it properly, he'd have seizures and that would damage his brain.

So the kakak there filled two rubber gloves with warm water and placed it under the tissue papers in the box to keep APJ/Hope warm. Mak payed RM30, and then we went to a shop dekat2 UPM to buy the milk and the small bottle. Then singgah office Abah to feed it. At this point, APJ/Hope dah tak banyak berbunyik and mcm lemah je.

Then we went back hope. In the car, I thought APJ/Hope had died because his tummy tak turun-naik, like he wasn't breathing or something. But affter a lo~~~ng pause, dia tarik nafas. And then he went still for quite some time. Then he'd inhale.

When we arrived home, I observed the tummy, but it wasn't turun-naik anymore. Still aje. So I lifted APJ/Hope up, and he was stiff.

:'(

He died on the way back home. :'(

So Abah took the cangkul and we buried APJ/Hope under the pokok jambu kat depan rumah. I had the chance to visit Junsu and Joongie's graves (Joongie's grave ada tanda, I placed one of the smooth black rocks to mark it, and I also saw the plastic rose). While waiting for Abah to dig the hole, I sniffed APJ/Hope's body.

He smelled like milk. Macam baby. :)

He was a baby. :) A cute one.

Then I noticed that one of his front paws was purple while the other was pink. :( Kenapa yek kaler purple? Hmm...

When Abah had dug the hole deep enough, I placed a tissue paper in it first before placing APJ/Hope into it. Then I covered him with another layer of tissue and Abah began to timbus it with the tanah. When all was done, I placed the plastic rose on his grave...

It's a shame he died. Mak and Abah were going to keep him if he had survived.

:(

Oh well.

-X-

About the name:

I named it Park Jaebeom at first, then Mak said, "Mana boleh! Nak nama Islam la."

So I added "Ahmad" kat depan. 8)

But then Mak said his name would be "Hope". It was the name Mak wrote on his vet card, anyway.

Something interesting.

Forum: 667 Dark Avenue
Author: Felix --Subject to Change
Topic: Hypnagogia and Sleep Paralysis
(Read 36 times)

I could go find a site related to this, seeing as you guys aren't necessarily going to have any help or stories to relate, but I don't want to join a site in which this topic has been covered over and over and bumped until it drove everyone nuts.
Wikipedia on the subjects, as I think, despite some incredibility, it can give you a good explanation.

http://en.wikipedia.org...gogia
http://en.wikipedia.org...lysis

Often caused by stress or narcolepsy. I certainly have the first, but not to a degree that this condition should be normal, I don't think. I don't even have GAD.

So, basically, I'm just gonna start off, and, at the end, give an idea why I started this thread (as it seems premature to say now.

I get hypnagogic/-pompic hallucinations a couple times a month on average, almost always accompanied by sleep paralysis. It varies where some months there are none, and others it happens multiple times a week.
So, usually, I:

-sleep paralysis, obviously
-can open eyes, perhaps move wrists, ankles, neck
-feel a pressure down on my chest and/or pushing me sideways out of my bed
-am completely and utterly terrified
-panic and try to scream. can't open mouth, and sometimes gnash teeth until I can (read:until it wears off)
-hear noises, such as whispers, whistling, bumps, crashes
-know someone is there (no, no one is there unless these hallucinations are something else, but it is a state of knowing, not thinking)

And if I'm lucky:

-I can see a shadow figure standing near my bed. Always a male presence
-They talk to me... even better, very rare
-More wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_pe...ations
-I can hear random, but distinct voices
-Someone is choking me, or pinning my shoulders with their hands
-I'm about a thousand times more scared

In either case:

-I can't control it
-I'm sad, but relieved, when it ends
-I went to sleep again.

Oh, and once a very, very odd zombie-like dog was sitting at the foot of my bed. That was weird, but not accompanied by paralysis or panic, so I just hid my head, knowing I was just seeing it, and went back to sleep.

So, you guys:

-Have you ever, or do you regularly have these experiences?
-If so, what are your symptoms/what are they like?
-Any suggestions on how to prolong or induce them- anything from teas to mental exercise to gemstones, but let's stay away from the illegal things that are inevitably helpful, as I don't know how much mods would appreciate it.

If you want to know why I want to do this, as I keep saying it terrifies me...

-I love the adrenaline rush the fear gives me
-It releases my stress. I don't know why, but it makes me really giddy and happy. *
-I want to talk to my hallucination, and I never get to. Either I can't talk, he won't respond, or both. II want to see what it is and how my mind made it. And I'm obsessed with fantasy, so devil, guide, or simple hallucination, I'm interested.

That said, go ahead you guys. I'd love any reply, I think. I love learning about this stuff, and what's normal verses unique, and especially, like I requested, how to make it happen without taking illegal substances, intentionally losing sleep, or causing stress.

Author: tk
Topic: Re: Hypnagogia and Sleep Paralysis
(Reply #1 on Sept 11, 2009, 7:58pm)

Hm. Your post really, really caught my attention, probably because this is the first time someone else admits to having experienced these things. I've experience some of them, although I don't anymore and I am thankful for that.

-I used to be able to open my eyes but can't move
-felt terrified and panicked
-always tried to scream, but can't. at times I think I did scream but no one could hear me.
-felt like someone was holding/pinning me down

Sometimes stuff could get way awful, like

-hearing deep voices
-seeing things

Once I was visited by an old grandma who sat on a chair near my bed. I was convinced that it was a dream until her head suddenly disappeared and she got up and pinned me down so I couldn't move, and those symptoms (felt terrified, can open eyes but can't move, can't scream, etc.) occurred. When I could finally move I didn't want to go back to sleep.

And oftentimes those 'voices' or creatures would try to make me fly with them (often by pulling my legs up into the air first...well, at least it felt like someone was doing that). At this point I'd have to really really struggle to keep my eyes open and try to not to fall asleep again, because each time I felt like closing my eyes, 'they' would tug harder.

I just remembered that I wrote that one down in my diary. The entry was dated 5/4/07, and it sounds like this:

Dear Diary-sama,

You know how I sometimes woke up in the middle of the night only to find that my body's all numb, right? Well, this time, it felt like someone was lifting my legs.

There were times when even a simple short nap could trigger this stuff. I hated that.

Although I really can't help you on how to make it happen because I really dunno how and because I really don't want it to happen to me again.

~**~

Hmm. Scientific explanation! 8)

From wikipedia:

Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state (Rapid eye movement [REM0 sleep is a normal stage of sleep characterised by the rapid movement of the eyes), but the body paralysis persists.

This leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms and the realization that the distorted perceptions were false".

Indeed, this one caught my attention. It's interesting, but I'm can't say I'm surprised. Felix would probably face confusion when she looks for answers as to why these things happen to her, but I should probably just shut up about it, eh? XD